Do you remember the story of Job? The Bible tells us that Job was a righteous man whom God had greatly blessed. Job had health, wealth, family, and the respect of his peers. Then, without warning or explanation, everything he held dear was taken from him. His wealth was plundered/destroyed, his children were killed, and he became horribly ill, his skin covered in boils. Ugh!
Enter Job’s friends. Let’s look at the men who came to visit Job in his time of need, and see if we can learn a few things about friendship from them.
When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. Their names were Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite.
When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief.
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.
Job 2:11-13
True friends.
Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar, demonstrated friendship in a powerful way. These men likely had families, careers, and responsibilities, yet they dropped everything and “traveled from their homes to comfort and console [Job]”. They had no ulterior motives, for Job had nothing to offer them. They went and sat with Job in silence for seven days, their presence sending a clear message: “We love you, dear friend.”
This got me to thinking: Have I cultivated any friendships in my life that rise to this level? If tragedy fell upon me, do I have a single friend that cares for me enough to do anything close to what Job’s friends did for him? Bonds this strong don’t happen by accident, and it’s a testament to Job’s character that he had at least four friends (Elihu is the fourth friend, mentioned later in the story) that cared for him so deeply.
And what have I done for my friends in need? A short phone call? A quick visit? A few hours of my time? When I look at what Job’s friends did for him, I must admit, I feel convicted. I may not be able to go and sit with a friend for seven days in silence, but I could certainly do better than say, “man, I’m really sorry about what happened,” and then just go back to my life. I need to do better in the future.
Not perfect.
Job chapter 3 – chapter 27 records the dialogue between Job and his three friends (note: the fourth and youngest friend, Elihu, is listening to the conversation).
Job’s friends clearly loved him, and had the best of intentions. Unfortunately, they thought they understood the cause of Job’s misfortune when, in fact, they did not. As a result, they added insult to injury by insisting that Job must have committed some heinous sin, and that God was punishing him for it.
Instead of comforting Job, they started preaching at him. They made assumptions that were false. They offered unsolicited and unwarranted advice, telling Job that he needed to repent of whatever terrible, secret sin he had committed.
On the one hand, this shows that Job’s friends were candid, and felt free to speak their minds with Job. That’s a positive thing. But they didn’t have enough information to rightly judge Job’s situation or to offer wise counsel. As a result, they unintentionally made the situation worse.
As we are told in Ecclesiastes 3:7, there is a time to speak, and a time to remain silent. When dealing with friends in pain, we should listen first, then pray for the wisdom to say things that are both comforting and true. If such words don’t come to us, we ought to keep quiet. Elihu demonstrates this for us in Job 32 – 37. He listened carefully, and when it was his turn to speak, he offered real words of wisdom.
The greatest friend.
The old hymn, “What a friend we have in Jesus” is one of my favorites. Jesus told His disciples, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). And that’s exactly what Jesus did for you and me. He willingly laid down His life to pay our sin-debt. He offers the free gift of salvation to all who repent and put their faith in Him.
Jesus serves as the ultimate example of what a friend should be: loving, compassionate, and selfless.
So how good a friend are you? I know I have room for improvement in this area, and I suspect you do too. I think we could all be more giving of ourselves, more careful with our words, and better friends to each other.
